Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Good grief, I could really go for a biscuit...

So, week 5 draws on, and it is weigh day again today. Let me just underline though, this is not just about weight, but about health and food addiction, so it is ok if I don't lose weight every week.

I have stuck to my objectives for this week so far - trying to add more fresh veg to make up for the lack of fruit, generally trying to add a bit more variety, and trying to incorporate a bit more exercise. I am still having the wee niggling voices question whether this is all correct (20 years of "don't eat fat" is tough to shake!) and right on time as per Sarah's wise book, this week has been entirely sponsored by the sugar pangs. Eeshk.

Starting to snack on veg more, in the way that I would normally snack on fruit is helping, and actually biting into a half a pepper is a good substitute for apples. I have enjoyed avocados, cucumber and tomatoes in this way, and it has helped add variety, colour and crunch.

I have also tried my hand at baking some sugar free baked treats, although this is proving to be a little experimental and so far not entirely successful! My oat cookies were a little slippery on day one, marginally more crunchy by day two, but still lacking something. Not sugar as such, although that would help bind and combine, but actually I think a cup of wholemeal flour would help. I will try another batch later and come back to you on that one.

The cheese question is interesting me as well. As someone who has basically been on a diet for 20 years, and interesting is quite a lot heavier than I was at the beginning, I have always been told that cheese is the Salty Dairy Devil, perched on your shoulder ready to sabotage your efforts at the slightest whiff. Indeed, if you diet with the big clubs, a day's allocation of the delicious devil is a mere 30g, about the size of a matchbox, and in my experience, just enough to remind you of what you have been missing, thus leading you into a cheese fuelled mindwarp where you would cheerfully give up your job purely to stand with the fridge light on your face inhaling its forbidden fumes.

And yet, now I find myself in this strange new world where oranges are off and snacking on a piece of cheese is on. It is true that a cheese snack curbs my mid afternoon appetite far better than fruit ever would, but the doubting voice does still question whether this will have the right effect on the scales, the measurements and the overall fitness. I guess I need to keep believing and trying, and reflect as the weeks proceed. I'm not a religious person, in fact I am so inside my head that I drive myself sick with confusion when faced with thinking a philosophical issue through, so I do find it rather difficult to stomach the concept of blind faith. But this is cheese not creationism, so perhaps I should relax.

Back to the cookies. It is interesting, veering on evangelical in fact, that every week's chapter of Sarah's book is so right on the money with how I feel. I said to Mr B on Sunday, I'm struggling with the cravings today, and flipped open the chapter to read the words, "Cravings - they're ugly and dispiriting. But they're normal so its important to keep going." It's like she's watching from the corner of the kitchen...

So, the current mission:
- suss out these cookie recipes
- in fact suss out sugar free treats in general. Woman cannot live on yogurt alone.
- keep eating veggies as fruit. Substifruit if you will.
- keep seeking out new ideas to add variety
- keep reading the book

I don't really care about the weight loss issue, if I'm honest. Its more that it is the only gauge of food and diet I have ever known. I suppose, if the plan works and I am not addicted to sugar, and ultimately gain a better control of my appetite, nutrition and food urges, then weight will hopefully fall into place anyway. Also, provided the addition of fat into my diet doesn't result in weight going on, it doesn't really matter if I don't lose any weight, because in a couple of months when the addiction is curbed, I can then systematically reduce fat intake too.

If I ever crack this cookie recipe I will post it on here. Until then, may the cheese be with you xx

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